This past weekend, Saturday Night Live aired a musical number meant to add levity to the coarseness of political tribalism that has woven itself through our social fabric in recent years. Much of this energy came to a fever pitch this past week during the historic 2018 midterm-elections and it seemed SNL producers felt the time was right to break the glass on a song to unify the masses through commiseration. The premise of “Unity Song” is simple, reminding us all how similar we are, for the things that are generally disliked. Things like wet jeans. And warm public-toilet seats.

The tribalism within the world of riding bikes has existed at a constant hum for a much longer time than what we’re seeing in the national politic. So in the same vein, but without that SNL budget, we bring you first stanzas of the in-progress BICYCLIST Unity Song, something to bring together people of all types, who ride bikes of all stripes:

We all hate wet socks.
We all hate pinch flats that follow us around.
We hate the largest ring on the rear cassette, but we hate it even more when it’s gone.

We hate brown bananas.
And roads that dead-end with no sign.
And when the driver with the right of way waves at you, like he’s the gosh-darn commander of the road.

And when people say indoor riding is better,
No, it’s not, you’re missing the roads!

We still have a couple stanzas to go before we lay down tracks, music video etc. Who knows where this will go. You can never be too sure where the social winds will blow. Help us out by Tweeting your suggested stanzas to @bicyclistxyz